


Following the Map That Leads to You

by seasaltmemories



Category: Fire Emblem Echoes: Mou Hitori no Eiyuu Ou | Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia, Fire Emblem Series
Genre: AU, Basically all the happy stuff I can't give them in PLBT, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2019-09-21 18:55:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17048726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasaltmemories/pseuds/seasaltmemories
Summary: "I want to make a new promise. One day, when I’m older and stronger, I’m going to find you. It doesn’t matter where the world hides you or how long it takes. I promise to find you. So please…don’t forget me, okay?"A collection of celicalm one-shots and their attempts to keep their promise, no matter the life.





	1. Cake at Midnight

Celica’s calves burned from the walk up the stairs to her apartment. She had told herself she should exercise more and taking the stairs instead of the elevator was an easy first step, but after a long day of working late, her body was regretting that decision. As soon as let herself in, she kicked her heels off to the side, and peeled off the rest of her sweaty clothing until she was down to her underwear. After running across the city and back in the hot sun, all she wanted to do was take a shower and then collapse into bed. Tomorrow was going to be just as strenuous, so there was no need to drag today out any longer, even if that phone-call still hung in her mind.

However, before she could make it to the bathroom, she noticed the tv in the living room was still on. As she went to turn it off she found Alm asleep on the couch. Strange, he wasn’t the type watch much tv and doze off. Figuring he’d prefer to sleep in his own bed, she nudged him gently.

“Mmhm?” Alm groaned as he lifted his head. “Celica?”

“It’s me,” Up close, she noticed the stains lining his t-shirt and a glob of something smattered across the bridge of his nose. Knowing him, Gray and the rest of the gang must have dragged him into something stupid, but that would be a story to hear another day. “You should wash up and get to bed.”

Slowly he began to sit up, stretching his limbs out like he was a cat. “What time is it?”

“11:00 pm. Don’t worry, I’m gonna be joining you soon.”

Immediately his head snapped towards her, suddenly alert and lively. “Ah! Good then I didn’t miss it! Follow me!” Before she could protest, he had already grabbed her hand and dragged her to the kitchen. “Ta da!” With a flourish he flicked the light-switch. “Happy Birthday!”

Sitting on the counter was a plastic cake container with a note proclaiming the same cheery message. If it had been any other day she would at least appreciate the effort, but after everything that had happened, she couldn’t mask her disappointment.

“Alm…we talked about this.” It had been bad enough having to spoil Mae and Boey’s attempt at a surprise lunch date. “I just don’t really have the time for–” She tried to search for the right words, but ended up coming up blank. “–that.” She gestured at the container.

Alm ran a hand through his hair “I know you didn’t want to celebrate, but I thought something simpler could help make the festivities go down a bit easier. So what if it isn’t a birthday cake, just one I happened to make this afternoon? We can save it for tomorrow if you’re really too tired.”

In the light she could see it was flour that had gotten all over his clothes and face. Considering the evening out together he had originally planned, Alm really was trying to meet her on her level. It wasn’t like she disliked her birthday, but with her polling and research running her more ragged than usual on top of the other normal stresses of life, she felt as if she physically couldn’t relax, that if left doing nothing for too long she would snap and lash out at those just wanting to help her and ruin everything.

Without warning, her stomach let loose a loud growl. When she did the math in her head, she realized she hadn’t had any food since her quick lunch at 3.

“I guess one slice wouldn’t hurt.”

Alm’s smile was so bright, she thought it might blind her in that moment. “Sounds great! One slice coming up!” With a flourish he removed the top…

…and revealed the saddest cake she had ever seen. She hadn’t expected any homemade effort to be professional quality, but what frosting had managed to stay on the cake seemed to double its height. The poor thing couldn’t even stand up straight.

She couldn’t help. Immediately she broke in an ugly laugh, so hard she buried her face in her hands in an attempt to keep some measure of dignity.

“Hey! I worked very hard on it!” Alm scowled, but he couldn’t hide the flush slowly creeping up his neck.

“I know you did, honey. I appreciate it, truly,” She leaned forward to kiss his cheek. “What matters the most is that it tastes good.”

Back in high school, when imagining the grand and ambitious life she’d have once she left home, Celica hadn’t picture herself eating an ugly slice of cake in her underwear at midnight. But as Alm and she ate (it actually turned out to taste pretty decent) something in her slowly began to still. Ugh, somehow she always managed to forget just how much slowing down helped her, even when every bone in her body screamed not to. Funny how humans were like that. Repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Really she was a pro at it. But instead of beating herself over it, she tried to focus on the way Alm’s thumb skimmed over her knuckles. It was harder to lose her head with him anchoring her.

When they both finished, Alm moved to put the cake up, but before he could leave, she squeezed his hand.

“Hmm?” He raised an eyebrow. With the way that flour was still caked across the bridge of his nose, she couldn’t help but smile and lean forward to wipe it off.

“Dad texted me today.”

Alm muttered something under his breath, yet from the way his grip tighten around her she knew more or less what he said.

“I thought you had blocked that bastard’s number?”

“And changed mine since the last time he pulled this stunt.” Celica massaged the side of her temple with her free hand. “But he must have been using his latest girlfriend’s phone because I didn’t recognize the number and thought it might be one of the priests I’ve scheduled to interview. And once I started reading….it was like a train-wreck, couldn’t look away no matter how much I wanted to.”

“What’d he say?”

“The same old about not being sure about how much time he has left,” She sighed as she pulled at a loose string. It always felt like she pouring salt in an exposed wound right after she thought it had closed. “And he tried to worm his way into getting an invitation to the wedding.”

Alm let go of his hand to cup her face, his thumb stroking her cheek gently. “Cel…don’t feel like you have to forgive him just it’s what you’re “supposed” to do. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your special day for other people’s happiness. Least of all, his.”

“Oh the guilt is definitely there, but I feel like I’m handling it better,” Despite her light pitch the bitterness steeped through all the same. “Rather it feels like I have no choice. If he was able to get my number he can probably figure out where its gonna be and invite myself. I feel tied to being his daughter no matter what I do.”

Alm bit his lip–a common habit for when he was frustrated. One one hand it was touching to see him emphasize so much with her, but on the other she hated making him suffer.

“I called my therapist about it. When I get around to my next session we’ll be ready to tackle it.”

“Doesn’t make me want to try and fix everything any less,” Alm pulled away, fists clenching and unclenching. This was an old song and dance for them, yet that didn’t ease the pain a bit. “You know I’m always willing to do whatever I can.”

“And I love you for that.” It was Celica’s turn to stroke his arm. Truly even this meant the world to her. “It doesn’t help that he offered to cover expenses. Almost makes me want to tolerate him just so that money isn’t stuck sitting in his trust funds and–”

“–Celica, I would never ask that of you.” Green eyes bore into her soul. “I feel awful that you’ve had to be working yourself to death for me, but I promise once I pass the bar exam, things will get easier for both of us.”

She took that moment to study Alm closely, to really observe the man she would dedicate herself to in the matter of a few months and the worry that lined his face. My my in moments like this she could trace out the boy she first met, who had been doing his damnest to befriend the lonely, rich girl.

“Look at us–” Celica gestured from her underwear, to the cake, then to the rest of the apartment, at a lost of what to say. “–just…tripping over each to see who can do the most for the other. I thought it was my job to overthink things.”

“We’re both the professional types,” Alm ran a hand through his hair. “Professional disasters for now but one day we might get prompted on up to professional mess.”

“It will be quite exciting won’t it?” Celica laughed. The memories swarmed before her eyes, of the two of them sharing their dreams during homecoming, imagining the world that would wait for them once they left their small town. They had managed to survive high school together and even made it through undergrad all while thousands of miles apart. The fact they made it this far would have blown her fourteen year-old mind.

“Hey, don’t worry about saving the world, Superman.” This time she pressed a kiss to his nose. “Just be my Clark Kent.” Even with no clear solution to her father, the wedding, or tomorrow’s long hours, her shoulders still as if some of the weight had been lifted.

“Eh not sure if I can ever give up on the world,” From the faraway look in his eye, he must have been reliving the past just like her. “but you think it’s ok for now?”

The same tired side of her was ready to insist everything was fine, that she had to rush to bed so she could rush all tomorrow again. However its tiredness seemed to have drained even her own weariness.

“Can we cuddle for a bit?” She felt like a teen voicing such a desire. “We’ve been out of sync with our schedule for a while now, and I’ve really missed it.”

Without another word, Alm wrapped her in his arms. As Celica rested her head against his heart, she knew that everything they’ve been through would have all been worth it just to have this moment.


	2. Don't Think Twice

After most Valentian kings’ coronations, there were often feasts and festivals. The crowning of a new king could be a once in a lifetime chance, so Rigel and Zofia found common ground in agreeing such an event deserved the largest celebration they could put together.

Things hadn’t changed at all for the One Kingdom. If anything the music was even louder and the parties larger and lasting even longer. The new flag and royal crest seemed to be displayed just about everywhere. It wasn’t as if everyone was e static at the thought of united with their old bitter rival. If anything most were anxious about the future, if they would survive in a world with gods. Still the wine and dancing made the idea easier to stomach, so it was agreed on that if this was to be their last days, they might as well be spent in pleasure.

Yet as each cup was downed in his name, the new saint-king was nowhere to be found. Eventually though even he was forgotten in the haze of their debauchery.

If they looked a bit harder though, they would have found him strolling through Zofia Castle’s gardens with his ladylove.

“And after getting lost, Faye crying and trying to eat raw flour, and the bear, when it was revealed we had all wet our pants, Mycen decided not to take us hunting for another four years or so.”

Celica burst into laughter as it racked her body from head to toe. “Really?”

“Well, actually if I’m telling the truth, then I was the only one who didn’t wet their pants.”

“Of course you weren’t,” A few more giggles escaped before she lifted her hand to smother them. A refined, elegant gesture unfamiliar to him.

The weight in his pocket seemed just a tad bit heavier.

“Did you get up into any shenanigans like that at the priory?” Alm slightly picked up the pace to hide any discomfort.

“Of course we did. We had just as many kids as Ram Village did. Probably made all the worst because we were crammed on one tiny island.”

“Yet I bet it was like an entirely different world.” Despite himself, his old wanderlust began to bleed through again. Even after having traveled half the continent, it didn’t stop the adrenaline rush he got imagining new places.

Celica hummed a tune he couldn’t recognize. “Not really. Every place has its own quirks, but people are people no matter where you go.”

“The question is, I guess, how much they change.”

Her gaze drew from the flowers to his face. “What exactly do you mean by that?”

Alm felt a flush run up his neck. “I’m not quite sure, honestly.” Damn it, he hadn’t meant for today to get heavy. After all they had dealt with lately, this was supposed to be a nice and relaxing little thing–a chance to really get to know each other after all the years.

“I just wonder if I’m still the man you knew all those years ago.” The words fell out in a rush. “I worried for a long time if you would remember little old me and Ram Village.”

The back of Celica’s hand brushed up against his. He wanted nothing more than to take it, but somehow even after all their affection, this felt like a new boundary they hadn’t quite crossed.

“You were always in my thoughts.” There was a far-off look in her eyes.

“I’m not sure if it could really be me though.” That far-off look transformed into a glare, but before she could open her mouth, Alm tried to correct himself. “I mean I doubt you could imagine how I would change. You’ve changed a lot, yourself.”

Celica looked down to scratch her brand, but she wasn’t fast enough to hide the shock from him. An awkward silence filled the air. Just as it began to grow unbearable, and he was about to spit out another apology, she finally responded.

“How does that make you feel, then?”

Alm closed his eyes as he tried to pull his thoughts together. “Honestly… it is a little exciting. I want to know everything I’ve missed while we’ve been apart.”

Celica smiled and it was just as warm as he remembered. “That’s how I feel. What has you all worried like this?”

“I’m not really sure if I know myself anymore.” He ran hand through his hair. “First I was a farm-boy, then a leader, and now a king. Not just of Rigel, but all of Valentia. One day I might be an entirely different person. I know its a lot to ask of you to spend the rest of your life with me when I have those risks.”

“I could very well become a different woman, myself.” Celica leaned into his side, resting her head on his shoulder. “We can always try growing together. What’s so hard about that?” Silence returned, but this time it didn’t seem so terrifying. Something about having her by his side seemed to do that.

“Its fine to worry, but truly I’ve had too much joy to do that lately.” That far-away look was back, but there was fire as well in her gaze. “I’m not used to having a future. Mila couldn’t bless me more than to share it with you.”

Alm’s heart thumped so hard he wasn’t sure how it managed to stay contained in his body. Before his courage could fade, he fumbled for Celica’s hand and revealed his surprise.

“Then how does this work for an engagement ring?” When he pulled back, the ring Berkut gave him rested on her left hand.

“Alm…”

“I worried it might bring bad luck considering the circumstances I got it, but Berkut is still a part of who I’ve become. So I thought sharing it with you might make bridging that gap a bit easier and–”

Before he could ramble any further, Celica cut him off with a kiss.

“It’s perfect.” She murmured against his lips. “Thank you, Alm. For this, and everything else we’ve shared.”

A jolt of electricity passed as he memorized the sensation of her hand with the engagement ring on.

“I’m not sure I’ll ever want to stop sharing everything I have with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See if you can count the number of references to their prologue bc I'm a fucking emotional nerd


	3. Bad Habits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it isn't clear, this is an AU where Celica never was taken to Ram Village and by extension Novis Priory, hence going by Anthiese

For the few months they had know each other, Anthiese and Alm had already made an impression on Zofia. They were quite a pair: their proper, responsible princess who only resembled her foolish father in appearance and the warrior grandson of a legend who had driven out the Rigelians from their homeland. If you had told any village gossip that the weight of their country would come to rest on the shoulders of two children, they would have scoffed before joking that such a turn of events would only further drive Zofia in the ground. The fact they not only bore such a heavy weight but seemed to thrive under it, only added to their peculiarity.

Yet despite their youth, there was something that made people want to put their trust in them. Perhaps it was their honest desire to do the best they could. Lima had also been crowned young, but only cared to indulge himself. It had been so long since it seemed as if anyone ruling Zofia actually wanted to. Who knew simple effort and enthusiasm would go such a long way? Furthermore for their lack of experience, they hardly showed it, carrying themselves with grace and composure. The closest they had brushed up against propriety was when they had disappeared for an hour into the castle’s garden, and even then that was something one could hardly fault them for. Gossip made for better conversational material compared to the droughts that continued to persist.

Such a situation was no accident on their part. Well to say the rumors were planned would be overestimating their foresight. That was simply the result of one too many stray glances and a sometimes burning need to brush their fingertips across each other’s that could never be completely extinguished. But back when they were two strangers simply trying to figure out a way to live beyond waiting to die in a tomb, they had agreed not to repeat the mistakes of the Deliverance.

No all their troubles would stay hidden behind closed doors.

It was quite a performance they put on. When the news came out, Alm didn’t storm into her private quarters to rant and rage. No, he spent most of the day laughing and training with the rest of his soldiers. No one would have suspected he had a care in the world, and for that she should have been grateful. However if anything his silence only rattled her nerves further. It was like watching the hands of a clock slowly pass by, waiting until they finally struck midnight. Perhaps rather than a blessing, it was a sly attack of his to test her patience so.

Well she couldn’t argue that she hadn’t earned it.

It took until around sunset until there was a knock on her study door.

“You may enter,” Anthiese replied in her “queenly” voice as she stuffed a half-written letter to the emperor of Archanea into her desk drawer.

Alm entered in his civilians clothes. Technically there was nothing offensive about it—if anything the fact they usually conversed while he still had yet to change from his armor was unorthodox. Still there was something different about seeing his mussed hair and flushed complexion without the proof of a day of hard work. It brought an air of casualness rarely found in these four walls.

_Ah, but when this was Father’s, he used it for even more unbusinesslike means._

Anthiese stood, suddenly interested in sorting her bookshelves. “What concerns you, Sir Alm?”

“I thought we were going to be honest with each other.”

The atmosphere grew tense. Not even past greetings and a storm was already brewing. Anthiese took a deep breath.

“Pray tell what lies I’ve deceived you with then?” She ran her hands across their spines, refusing to look at him directly.

“You’re not even being honest with me right now,” He answered in a huff. “I’m mad about the treaty you signed with Rigel. What else would I be upset about?” He looked at her as if waiting for her response, but she still kept her attention focused squarely on her current task.

It felt like forever, but finally he broke the silence with an annoyed groan. “Why should we need them to fix our own problems? If the pirates are such an issue then send me. There’s no need to invite those snakes into our own backyard.”

“Do you think that option just somehow slipped my mind?” The ice in her voice surprised even herself, but Anthiese embraced its chill. “I don’t want to do this any more than you do, but our choices are limited. If word got out the capital wasn’t defended, then they would simply try and reclaim it once more.”

“Then send me to Rigel.” Alm spoke as if such a choice was as simple as picking out which dress to wear. “If we get rid of them first, then we’ll be free to handle domestic problems without them breathing down our neck.”

It was taking all her willpower to keep from snapping at this point. “I already told you: invading Rigel isn’t an option.” Anthiese squared herself towards the shelves once more. She had told herself she wasn’t going to raise her voice at him—that they wouldn’t get in another fight—but her voice cracked with emotion all the same.

_It would be so easy to put him in his place wouldn’t it?_

“It could be if you listened to me for once!” It seemed Alm had made no similar promise to himself. “I thought I was your general, but you won’t let me fight your battles, don’t consult my counsel—” He grabbed her shoulder, and she nearly jumped out of her own skin at the contact. However, when his eyes met hers, they froze her right in place.

“—You won’t even look at me.” She had tried to prepare herself for this moment. When she had sent off Zofia and Rigel’s treaty to be announced, she knew eventually she’d face the anger of her most trusted confidant. While for the most part, Alm was a bright and optimistic man, she had seen flashes of it before—such as when she told him what Father’s reign had been like or when she caught him in the heat of a fight. It was a cruel, dangerous rage, she scarcely believed she’d be able to withstand, but Anthiese had weighed her options and decided she was at least familiar with provoking others’ fury.

This was not that. Rather than harden like steel, the lines of his face tightened as if they had forgotten just how to arrange themselves right and had settled for trying to hold everything together as hard as possible. Emerald eyes swirled with so much fire and passion, but rather than burn her to the ground, his gaze seemed to just melt with distress. Out of all the reactions he could have had, she had never expected him to look so _hurt._

Slowly Anthiese tried to remember how to breathe.

“Whoever said…” She sighed, unable to organize her thoughts. “Whoever said you were my general?”

Alm cringed and Anthiese couldn’t help but mirror the action. The first words out of her mouth, and they were salt on an fresh wound.

“You’re right, it was presumptuous of me.” He let go of her shoulder to run a hand through his hair, and Anthiese couldn’t tell if she was relieved to have lost the touch or ached for its return.

“It’s alright—an understandable mistake…” She murmured, hardly aware she was speaking.

Ever since he had been knighted, most had assumed he had naturally assumed the role of lead general as well. Just as he said, Alm had fought her battles, and they had made all their decisions together. Still the position remained vacant all the same.

It wasn’t as if he was unqualified. Experience and age meant nothing when he could back up his results. Zofia would accept him with open arms; the only question was if she was willing to let him go.

It was a shameful question to be consumed by, but it consumed Anthiese all the same. If she allowed him to be general, then there would be no stopping him if he truly wished to invade Rigel. And that would mean sending away one of the only souls that made her smile these days. After already losing so much, could her heart take letting him slip through her fingers as well?

“You understand though, right?” Alm spoke softly. “Just because you have a sword, doesn’t mean that it will do you any good if it is only left to rust in its sheath.” His breath ghosted the inside of her neck, and Anthiese couldn’t help but shiver at the sensation. Just when had he moved in so close? “I want to be of use.”

 _You could always make him your consort._ It wasn’t the first time the thought had slipped its way into her consciousness. _What better use could he serve? Drape him in jewels and silk, and he will not only be beautiful, but he will be_ yours.

Anthiese pulled a book from the shelf, hoping it would both give her some distance and a moment to compose herself.

“I understand…” She trailed her fingers over its title: _On the Study of the Body._ Ugh what use did an anatomy book serve in her study? Quickly Anthiese placed it back. “…but I hope you understand that if I’m so careless as to let my blade break, then I’ll be completely defenseless.”

“I wouldn’t let myself break.” He responded without hesitating.

“We’re all mortal in the end. Very few have any choice in when they die.”

“I wouldn’t die until you said I could.” The intensity in his gaze had settled into a brilliant blaze. “Anthiese, you’re our future. Before I left Ram, I thought I would be satisfied to simply see the world and then return home eventually. But now that I know I can do something to fix things, I can’t imagine going back. I want to be a part of this process. I want to help Zofia. Antiese, I want to help you.”

He looked at her with such adoration that it was almost intoxicating. It was dangerous to consider just how far his devotion might go, but knowing so did nothing to stave her desire to somehow bottle the moment. If such a feat was possible, she’d get drunk on his reverence nightly.

_I thought you were better than this._

Shame hung heavy on her shoulders like a cloak. What a wicked irony. After watching Father get tangled up with woman after woman, she had swore off pursuing romance beyond her duties to the crown. So of course Zofia’s savior had to come in the form of a handsome, young man whose earnest nature made it easy to forget about responsibilities and duties.

 _You’re going to ruin him._ A small voice inside herself screamed. _You know you shouldn’t steal him from the rest of Zofia. He’s meant for larger things than simply satisfying your whims. You know, you know, you know—_

 _—But don’t I deserve to be happy?_ The weaker side yelled in response. _How can it be a vice when I only want him? Why is it selfish to not wish to send him to Rigel to be slaughtered?_

Still Anthiese couldn’t help but remember one of the mothers at the royal villa. She was one of the youngest, but held a strict tongue and even stricter temper—coming from a long line of military officers. Their isolated location made her restless, so when she wasn’t disciplining the children, she often spent her time staring at the road, hoping a courtier or merchant would pass by and prove the outside world hadn’t forgotten about them.

What had Father thought when he pulled her into his bed? Did he know the life he was destining her to live, or had she been just another blossom to deflower? Had he simply thrown her away after having his fun, or had he truly wanted to provide her a place full of all the comforts she could wish for until she was old and gray?

Did he refuse to let death take another of his loves and try to save her from bloodshed? Did he ever realize that the fire killed her before war could take a single Zofian soldier?

“Anthiese, please, just look at me,” He had taken her hand into his now. They were large and warm—grounding her both physically and mentally. The former because each time his calloused fingers trailed across her knuckles it spread sparks across her skin. The later because she suddenly remembered that Alm, was a real, living, breathing person standing before her.

_You’re really like your father in the worst kind of way. You think you can collect people like they’re a pretty babble that caught your eye._

When she met his gaze once more, she couldn’t muster the same queenly or icy manner she held before. She was too focused on holding back her tears to be anything more than just Anthiese.

“Come to the Temple of Mila with me.” She finally said.

“Are you offering me a position as your retainer?”

“I want you there with me.” She didn’t know what she would find. It had been her mother’s home before she was spirited away to the life of a royal consort, yet it was her command and not Father’s that had barred Anthiese from stepping foot in until now. She also didn’t know whether one day she would see Alm bathed in Rigelian blood for her or draped in finery and flushed with desire. “That’s all I’m certain of.”

She waited, fearful that he would find a reason to leave her all on his own. But instead he lifted her hand to his lips and pressed a quick kiss.

“Of course, my Queen.”

Anthiese blushed as for a moment as she was transported back to their walk in the gardens, when he had first kissed her hand and awakened the butterflies in her stomach. This was becoming a bad habit of late.

But as he pulled away with a grin, she couldn’t muster the effort to scold him.

She loved him too dearly to care he was becoming her bad habit as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an interesting AU to me just for how much the plot and by extension Alm and Celica’s relationship change, but rather than have another full fledged project on my hand, I wanted to wring out as much sexual tension as I could and focus on the irony that a “Lady and Knight” celicalm situation would provide


	4. You Say You Wanna Go to Heaven, But You're Human Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some implied sexual content for this chapter

The morning after Duma was slayed, Celica rose at dawn to pray.

The first time, Alm saw this, he had wondered if in her half-awaken haze she had somehow forgotten the events of yesterday. Such a theory might sound crazy at first glance, but some mornings he imagined himself back in Ram Village. Memories took a long time to die, so rather than inflict her any pain, he had faked slumber and let her go along her day, before “properly” waking up himself.

In time, he thought, they would both learn to accept the present. Morning lies always faded away in the afternoon’s bright light.

But as the days turned into weeks and then months, still she continued to pray. Ignorance nor denial could explain her actions. She spoke of Mila’s and Duma’s demise with as much certainty as anyone else. Yet as busy as they were with rebuilding Valentia, she continued to find time to converse with those who would never answer her.

It would have been easy to write it off as madness, a quirk she had picked up to survive. Most of them had strange habits of their own–like how Mathilda always carried a knife up her sleeve, even when the battlefield was far away and she was decked in her court finery, or how Valbar refused to be placed anywhere besides the front-lines, even when he looked ready to pass out from so much marching in his heavy army. Everyone found their own way to cope, and the polite thing to do was turn away and pretend you didn’t notice anything.

But then Alm’s own idiosyncrasies made that difficult to do. Like a voyeur, stealing away a moment of intimacy, he woke early to spy on her prayers. He never let on that he was awake, rather he silently studied her closed eyes and clasped hands, searching for the method to it all.

It seemed faith had little to do with the gods themselves.

It wasn’t as if Alm had ever disliked religion. Growing up, he had done everything expected of him: attended every religious holiday with a proper tribute of wool in tow, said his prayers to thank Mila for the year’s harvest, even as they dwindled with each famine. But unlike Faye, whose eyes had sparkled with purpose when she had donned the clock and pledged herself to be Mila’s personal tool, Alm had never been able to understand such devotion. He couldn’t give himself up for a being he had never even seen before.

The hypocrisy didn’t escape him. It was because of Duma’s blessing, Valentia had deemed him their Saint-King. Without Mila’s mercy, he would have been powerless to save Celica, forced to kill her by his own hand. However it was those very boons that caused him to chafe against the concept. Because if Duma had cursed him with his dying breath, if Mila had deemed Celica a proper sacrifice that must be made, was he supposed to have just step aside and bend to their will? Was he supposed bleed himself dry for creatures whose talons had shed so much blood in the first place?

Even if the gods hadn’t been mad, hadn’t deserved to finally have some peace, he knew he would have slaughtered them still if it meant saving the life of one of his loved ones. He couldn’t understand Celica having done the near opposite. When they had discussed such matters in the dead of night, huddled together and whispering secrets against the other’s skin, her words might as well have been spoken in another language.

“Of course I rather live a long and happy life, but Valentia is much bigger than just you and me.” Her red curls had tickled the crook of his neck and she settled in. “It’s our birthright to take care of it. My one life was hardly a price if it had really meant peace would return.”

There was no point in arguing with her when the matter was all said and done, but despite their physical closeness she seemed so far away in that moment–so virtuous and good that she was untouchable. And later on it seemed as if he wasn’t the only one to feel this way. Already many former clergy members had taken to preaching her as Mila incarnated as a human. While most days he was glad for her, during lonely, selfish nights the devil inside would want to cut her wings, pin her to the earth, and never let her go.

_“She promised herself to me, and me alone! I’m sorry, world, but you can’t have her!”_

Each time such a thought came to him, he followed the same routine. He imagined himself picking up the thought, examining it thoroughly, and then locking it inside a black chest, never to be considered again. Such a route was dangerous to travel, placing his love for his own desires over his love of Celica. Still whenever the box rattled and screamed, he cracked it open just one inch. He allowed him to steal that one moment of privacy with what remained of the gods.

In the last week or so, Celica had finally scheduled a meeting with her new acolytes. It was useful to have such loyal allies during a change in power, but it was tricky business to keep such a following from getting distorted into an actual cult. Still it was the first time they had been separated from the war. Despite knowing she was safe and doing important work, it was difficult to calm his nerves.

She was due to return in the early morning, so he tried to get some sleep. Still he tossed and turned throughout the night, getting little rest. He must have dozed at one point, because he ended up waking with a start when he heard the door to his quarters open.

“Hello, darling,” Celica whispered as she entered. “I’m home.”

“Celica…what are you wearing?” It was a pitiful response, bu the outside light haloed her body provided just enough illumination for him to make out that she was wearing a saint’s garb. Such a choice perplexed him so, he lost any greetings he might have offered up.

“It’s a long story, but the Church of the One Kingdom offered me a promotion,” She padded across the room to sit at her dresser. “Even though technically priestesses can’t qualify as saints…I must look ridiculous, don’t I?”

Ridiculous was far from the truth. She looked radiant, holy, every bit of the heavenly angel they believed her to be. It made his heart ache like nothing else.

“It’s late, so feel free to go back to sleep. I’ll tell you about my day in the morning proper.”

“I’m not that tired, I don’t mind staying up longer.”

“Don’t worry, you won’t miss a thing. I”ll make sure it’s the first thing I do.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

Silence seized the two of them. Shame compelled Alm to turn away. He didn’t deserve to look at her after such a blasphemous slight, but there was some enthralling about the sight of her staring at him like that. Celica had removed her makeup yet still remained gowned. It was if she was caught between the divine and the earthly.

Slowly, she removed the pins from her hair. It fell like a curtain across her shoulders. “You’re right. I guess I’ve gotten used to white lies in my time away. The things they expect of me…”

“You’ve earned your stunning reputation though.” Alm insisted. “No matter how difficult it is, you’ll always choose the right choice.”

“I guess, absence truly makes the heart grow fonder.” She undid the tassels flowing from her sleeves before taking off her gloves. It was strange how much beauty seemed to linger in such a simple motion. “Although we must be living proof of it.”

“There’s something tantalizing about what you can’t have.” He was trying not to concentrate on the heat pooling in his belly, but he couldn’t stop his breath from hitching as she unfastened her breastplate. Still he could not look away.

“Where did you get the idea that I am not yours?” Celica laughed. She made a show of sliding her hands down the curves of her body as she removed her skirts. “You usually wear green with more grace.”

How odd. He felt more like a heretic to be called out for his jealousy of the gods than he did after slaying them with his own hands. “I’m just a fool chasing after a girl too important for his little dreams. Didn’t stop to consider my competition until it was too late.”

“You of all people shouldn’t put me on a pedestal.” She shucked the last of her clothes until only her small-clothes remained. “I’m too flawed to survive up there.”

“You don’t think you’ll resent me for dragging you down?” You didn’t tame envy by fanning its flames, but oh if he could be allowed this moment of weakness. She had already shed so much of her celestial exterior for him. He didn’t want to be her world forever, only for this night.

Instead of responding, she slide off the last of her modesty. From the foot of their bed, she crawled on all fours until she was perched in his lap. Faintly her tongue traced the shell of his ear. “As long as you know how to worship me properly.”

And so, Alm added idolatry to the list of his sins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Religion is fascinating to me, especially in the context of Celica’s arc where her devotion remains yet she kills a god (and later gets imagined as one in her ending), I also for a dreamwidth event got challenged to write a story with a striptease in it, and this Bastille song called "Send Them Off!" has been in my head, so as usual I set about trying to weave together differing elements


	5. Alone Together

_Can I come over tonight_

No matter how many times Alm had read those five words in the last fifteen minutes, somehow his brain had still refused to put together a coherent reply.

It wasn’t an outrageous request.  Ever since they were little, his dads had been used to seeing Celica run over to their place at all sort of odd hours.  It was the perks of having a friend be within walking distance of your house.  Spur of the moment playdates and sleepovers had been such a common occurrence, she had gained a regular spot at the dinner table.

But considering they had been dating for a year now, it was pretty likely she was thinking a different sort of sleepover.

Alm rocked back and forth on his bed.  While it wasn’t as if the topic had never occurred to him before, he had thought they would discuss the matter before jumping to booty calls.  In his head he had pictured their first time happening after some grand, elaborate romantic outing, when they were certain that either of their set of parents wouldn’t be around for twenty-four hours so that they could be sure they wouldn’t be interrupted.

He could have texted her just that, but the fact that Dad, Father, and Berkut were across the country made the situation slightly different.  Their flight back from Berkut’s college search had been canceled.  At the moment they weren’t scheduled to get in until 8am tomorrow.  Not the twenty-four hours he wanted, and flight plans could always change, but…

Just then his phone buzzed.

_nvm, if you’re busy I’ll just call Mae to pick me up_

For a moment Alm panicked and wondered if she was dumping him.  But then he remembered that Mae was that girl she had befriended when she was in the foster system during her middle school years.  And if he was doing his math right, it would take her two hours just to drive up here from her place.  Not exactly the lengths you’d go for if you were looking for a quick hook-up.

Alm cursed his horny mind as he lunged for the phone.

_you can come over_

_is this about your dad_

He watched those little dots fade in and out for what felt like forever.  Just as Alm was about to tell her to forget about it, finally she decided on an answer.

_I’ll tell you in person_

And for the next ten minutes that was that.  As he waited, Alm imagined rocks at his window and other teen-movie levels of sneaking around.  Instead he had to rush downstairs when his doorbell was rang at 11pm.

“How were you gonna explain this if I didn’t answer the door?”  He gestured to the stuffed duffel bag as he let her in.  It probably wasn’t the best thing to say considering what was likely a delicate situation, but his brain was working overtime trying to put the pieces together.

“I don’t know,” She wouldn’t look him in the eye.  “Is anyone else home?”

“No.”

“Then can I stay in your room?”  She was already climbing up the stairs before he could response.  There was nothing to do but follow her.

When he found her sitting on his bed as she unpacked some sleeping clothes he was about to joke that maybe this really was a booty call before realizing that it would probably make no sense to her since she hadn’t been privy to his internal meltdown.  So instead he sat down at the other end, careful to keep his distance.

“You think you can talk about it now, or do you need more time?”

“I’m running away.”  She spoke with all the emotion as if he had asked her what time it was.  “Needed a place to crash.”

“And you thought hiding out where both a cop and lawyer lives would be the best decision?”  Again words flew out his mouth before he could think them through.

“I can leave whenever you want me to.”  She threw the sleepwear back in her bag and gathered it up.  “If you didn’t want me you should have just said it.”

“Celica no,” Instinctively he reached for arm.  The moment skin hit skin it felt like time stopped completely.  As they stared at each other, all he could focus on was her shallow breathing and her redden cheeks.

“You’ve been crying.”  This time he meant every bit of harshness in his tone.  “Did he hurt you?”

“Not like that,”  Slowly she broke away from him to grip herself. “If you’re asking if he hit me, no, but if you want to know if he is still is a disgusting excuse for a father…”  She gave a choked sound as a tear rolled down her cheek.

“Hey you can stay,” Immediately Alm wrapped her in his arms and brought her close to his chest.  “I’m sorry I can be an idiot, and say the wrong things.”  All this talk was making his head spin but to hell with what the rest of his family though if it meant comforting Celica

“No you’re just being logical while I’m being a wreck.”  She buried her face in the crook of his neck.  “I’ll tell you about it once I can get my thoughts together.”

So for a while they just stayed like that.  At some point he must have pushed her bag off to the side so they could lay down together, but it was hard to remember the details.  Mostly he recalled the bittersweet combination of being able to smell her vanilla shampoo and feel the wetness of her tears.  His hand wandered her back uselessly in an attempt to be soothing.

He hoped that it managed to help a bit because just as he was about to drift to sleep she finally spoke again.

“His girlfriend likes to have political talk-shows on all the time.  It’s conservative crap, makes me sick.  I know I shouldn’t have picked a fight, but I was pissed.  It got out of hand, and then Dad was saying stuff like, ‘if you can’t act civil under my roof then you don’t deserve to stay under it.’”

“He kicked you out?”

“Apparently I’m less important than whatever toy he’s playing with at the moment.”  There was that chocking sound again.  “It shouldn’t be much of a surprise, but…I was really trying to rebuild things.  I’ll need his money if I want to go to college, so I thought I could put up with the manipulation if I just kept my mouth shut.”

Alm felt as if his entire body would burn away in his anger.  Still this time he tried to cool the flames, tried to be more than a hindrance to her.

“You shouldn’t have to put up with someone like that.”

“There was a kernel of truth to what he said though.”  She shifted so that she could look at him directly.  “I stirred up that fight because I wanted one.  Because it easier to push people away.  Just about did that with you too.”

“Eh I kinda deserved it.”  Alm carded a hand through her hair.  “I mean you were in pain and my first concern was if you were trying to sleep with me or not.”

“Sleep with you?”

“Well what should I expect when you text me in the middle of the night?” He laughed awkwardly.  “We’re not children anymore.”

“Maybe not,”  She traced the lines of his face. When she managed to draw a blush from him she gave a mischievous giggle.  Still her touch remained chaste as she continued.  

“But you know, as I was packing my stuff all I could think about was how safe I felt whenever I slept over here.  Seemed like we created our own little world of just us each night.”  She trailed off at that and for a moment Alm just wanted to stay in that place forever.  He didn’t want to have to face those worries again.

But Celica spoke again before he could completely lose himself.

“Maybe I can talk with Mycen about emancipation and stuff.  If he doesn’t sue me for breaking into his house.”

“Wrong order, Father would arrest you first then you’d get hit with legal action, that’s how to power couple works.”  This time his laughter was genuine.

“You think I should move to Berkut’s room to get in their good graces?”

“Nah, what they don’t know won’t hurt them.”  He pulled the covers over them.  “Besides I don’t want you to think I’d ever kick you out.”

Celica’s eyes misted over, and just as he was about to slap himself for making her cry again she pressed her lips against his cheek.

“Thank you, Alm.”

As so they slept like they had as children again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mycen/Rudolf is a galaxy-brain power couple, no I will not accept any criticism, and a semi-prequel to "Cake at Midnight" (Same AU and all but vastly different times)


End file.
